Communication Principles: How to resolve conflict in critical conversations? She picked up the phone and glanced at the time again, he was 10 minutes late.

He hurried in and said, “I’m sorry, I’m late.”

Her: “Why are you late again?”

He: “The company has something to do, so I’ve been delayed for a while.”

She was unhappy: “You always work overtime, can’t you care more about me? You can often be late for meals and movies.”

He was silent for a second, then explained, “I don’t work overtime every day. Why don’t I come here? Let’s watch a movie.”

She: “It’s already started, don’t watch it. You just don’t care about me.

The atmosphere became tense for a while, and the two  began to quarrel, each pulling out old accounts to prove their point of view.


The quarrel in work and life seems to be so easy, everyone has heard countless truths, but when it comes to practice, they all fail. Is it because we haven’t cultivated enough body and mind?


In fact, many quarrels have nothing to do with cultivation, but are caused by improper communication methods.

This article will introduce a set of practical communication methods for you. It has been verified that it is suitable for all aspects of life and work. It helps to greatly reduce the chance of quarreling with others, resolve key conflicts, and make both parties reach a consensus.

What Makes Quarrel

The above couple quarreled, the woman said that the man always worked overtime and was often late, and the man immediately wanted to refute out of “instinct”:

You say I “always work overtime”? I only work overtime three days a week, so it’s not “always”. You say I’m “often late,” when in fact I’ve only been late for the last two appointments this year.

The starting point of a quarrel is when one party starts to protect itself.


What inspires people to protect themselves?

We can explain it with the following theory. American psychologist Albert Ellis’s ABC theory of emotions: event A + belief B = conclusion C. Everyone’s beliefs are different, and their Malaysia Phone Number opinions and comments are also different. Self-protection arises when both parties have different views and comments on an event.

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I think you are exaggerating, and I naturally have to refute it. So, the first thing to express is to distinguish between fact and comment.

Observation without comment is the highest form of human intelligence. -Indian philosopher Krishnamurti

For Example Comment


Hot is how you feel, others may feel cold when they have a cold. “Today the outside temperature has reached 32 degrees”, this is the truth.

Communication needs to tell the facts, so can’t express opinions and comments?

Of course you can, just distinguish between facts and comments rather than just comments.

“You always work overtime” is obviously more likely to make people feel defensive than “You have worked overtime three times this week, and I think you are working too much overtime.”

Since the tipping point of conflict is comments, be aware of several types of comments that are prone to debate.

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